How do you put up with me?

Grumpy man,

How do you put up with me??

I'm crazy. Particularly right now.  I am demanding and noisy and have attitude out the wazoo. And you still put up with me!

... you must be crazy too :-)

E xx

Travel

Grumpy man,

you are away at the moment.  I say that like it's something different to your normal crazy travel schedule.  It's not.  You are always travelling.  I could rent out your side of the bed, you're in it so often (not in a sexy way, of course... This is a metaphor!! Just go with it!! lol)

But this trip, you, my grumbling, grumpy, undemonstrative little man, have been so darn attentive.  i don't know what's gotten into you.  calls every day!! I feel so spoilt.  It's lovely.

And after four days of it, I am now looking forward to getting home each night to talk to you.  Even though it's only for a few minutes.  Even though we aren't having deep and meaningful conversations.  We are just being together - from different sides of the world.

I love you , Grumpy.

E xx

Tasmania - Day 1 & 2

We are off on holidays! Loving it!!!

We flew in yesterday and walked around Launceston. We had a lovely dinner and then curled up in bed and snuggled and watched tv.

This morning we were up bright and early. We walked around the city and found a place for breakfast. We sat in the sun and had a cuppa and a toastie. We had an hour to kill, so we walked though the city park. We saw monkeys!!! Why there are Japanese monkeys in the Launceston park, I do not know, but it was cool. And we walked under the trees and played in the leaves (oh my goodness, how cool is autumn!). And you found a cannon and decided you needed to sit on it...

You are a crazy boy. Good thing I love you.

I went to church while you entertained yourself. And I'm glad I did. The children's ministry was about putting aside our own plans for our future and accepting that God has a plan that might be different and that plan is perfect. It was important for me to be reminded that what I want for my life and my time frames can be great as plans, but I am not in charge of that.

Then we drove out to Canarvon Gorge. We went on "the longest single span cable car" (totally overrated) and hiked up to the lookout. We had a snack in the park and checked out the peacocks. Then we walked back across the Alexandria Bridge - a gorgeous suspension bridge, which you insisted on jumping up and down on and swinging from side to side. I chose not to take a photo of the sign specifically banning these activities. I just accept that you will always get us in trouble.

We drove to the seaport and walked along the pier. Then we had an amazing lunch overlooking the water.

After we ate we drove north and stopped at some wineries. You were your normal grumpy self, mostly because I made you keep stopping to try wine and you had to drive so you couldn't drink. We hit three wineries, each quite different to each other, and then drove to Georgetown and Top Head.

At Top Head we stopped walked along the shore and got buffeted by winds coming across the Bass Strait. We stood at the lighthouse and hunted for fairy penguins (well, you wouldn't let me hunt so we peered off the cliff and looked for penguin like scurrying).

When we got back to the hotel, we ordered pizzas and curled in bed with a scotch and a cider and ate the yummiest pizzas.

I'm tired and sleeping and having a perfect day, and it is all because of you. Love you.

E xx

And then you go and surprise me

My Grumpy,

I was mad at you this week. Like yelling-at-an-imaginary-you-while-driving-my-car mad.  We have got this big bad baby stuff going on and I go through lots of it by myself and I don't nag or complain that you're not part of it, but this week.... Oooohhh!! I was MAD!

I take the injections. I go to the appointments.  I stress about the numbers and the days and the medications and the times and everything else and you get to cruise along and be off off and away with work and not worry about it at all.  But I don't mind. That's your job. I get it. You have to be away sometimes and it's fine.  I have actually changed medical appointments so they can happen around your travel, if you have to be there.

But this week, I was not in control of when things had to happen.  I got told "this is the day" and so that's the day.  And you need to be there for that day.  This is a family issue and you are part of this family, Mr.

So when I got told that Thursday was go day and I called and said you should start looking at flights to be home for this and you said no I was pissed. REALLY pissed. As in you're lucky I hadn't applied for a divorce pissed. I could scream and shout and throw things about I was so mad.  What the hell did you think this was!! How was this not important to you??????? This is our family!!!

I know we then got to have a proper talk about it and I understand that it would be really difficult to change your flights and nothing is set in stone about dates (they never are) so we can hold off on making changes for a day or two, but I knew you weren't going to fly home.  And that meant that you were putting your work ahead of me and ahead of our family.  So then I was sad. Ranting one minute and crying the next.  I just wanted this to be as important to you as it is to me. 

Big breath. What will be will be. Get on with the day because crying about it changes nothing. And I do know that you love me.

And then today...

Today I got the call from the Dr to say that it's go time.  Not on Thursday like originally planned, but on Saturday. Which is wonderful. Wonderful because it is going ahead!! Wonderful because this is further than we've ever gotten! Wonderful because just the simple fact we're doing this is fantabulous!!!!!!!

And so I called to tell you. To tell you that everything is still alive and kicking. And to say that maybe there's a new date.

And I want to cry, because you responded by saying that's great. Because you'd been looking into changing your flights and.... blah blah blah everything else didn't matter.  You'd looked!!! You were really truly preparing to come home early!! Even though it would have sucked for your work.  Even though it would have cost us a lot of money.  Even though you would have been sitting in airports for over a day and a half (at the last minute, of course there are no direct flights pre-Easter).  You wanted to be home for this!!  This is important to you too!!

I love you, Grumpy.  And I can't wait til Saturday!!!

Grumbles.
xx

Welcome to 2013

Grumpy,

I am looking forward to a better year this year. You have been my treasure and my strength this year, and I have been so grateful for you so many times. I love you more than words can say. This year has been so hard with some real challenges. You have been away so much. I have had health stuff up the wazoo. We did our counselling, we waited for the regulated timeframes, we came through a cancer scare, you stood beside me through everything. You have made this year bearable.

2013 is going to be our year. We will have an amazing year and we are going to come out the other end, even stronger.

While I wouldn't volunteer to go through this year again, it has made me appreciate you and all you do. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Your Grumbles xx

Christmas Grinch

My Grumpy Husband, you are usually such a Christmas grinch.

I really saw how much you love me this year, because I am usually Christmas spirit personified, but I was not feeling it this year. All of our baby baggage was bringing me down, and I couldn't give two hoots about Christmas. I really was a grumbles.

And then you stepped in. Despite complaining every year about the presents and the carols and the bad movies, this year, you encouraged me. You asked me what Santa was bringing. You volunteered to have carols play while we ate dinner. You invited me to watch a Christmas movie with you. You really foisted Christmas on me. And I am so grateful. You know I love this time of year and it would have made me even more miserable not to celebrate at all. And you know me, and love me enough to want to give that to me.

You're a good egg. And I'm glad you gave me Christmas.


With lots and lots of love,
Your Grumbles.

Tears

Last night you were sad.

You told me you weren't sad, but you were crying and crying equals sad.

You told me there wasn't a reason for your tears, you were just crying.  But it was a bit disconcerting to have you cry on my shoulder. You don't cry very often. 

You told me you cry all the time, but I can only think of maybe three other times I've seen you cry.  Maybe that is a bad sign for our relationship that you don't cry in front of me.

You said you were crying because the movie had a sad ending.  Perhaps this was the reason.  But you were burrowing into my shoulder and silently sobbing, and that's rarely the result of a movie.

It's been a big year for us.  It's been overwhelming a lot of the time.  There has been a lot of separation, with you away a lot.  There has been a lot of stress as we sold a house and worked really hard (both of us! Don't forget that this year I got myself a fancy promotion too).  There has been a lot of worry and anxiety, we had a cancer scare in June which is well outside the bounds of normal routine.  There has been the envy and jealousy and bitterness that comes with watching everyone else have babies but us (ok, maybe that's mostly me).  There has been a big target with baby making this year that has loomed over us quite a bit.  And that has taken its toll on me and you have had to look after me which has taken its toll on you. There has been a lot sitting in our heads over the past year and because I have been a mess over it, you have had to be strong.

My theory is that last night you allowed yourself to be sad over all that.  You were wrapped up in a cuddle full of love and you overflowed.  I was holding it together and so you let yourself be sad and let me look after you.

I hope you know that it's ok to be sad or worried or anything over our life.  I want you to share that with me.  I put all my worries onto you to get my burden to lighten up, and my biggest job in life is to do the same for you.

And you can tell me that it's because of the movie, and I'll always pretend to agree with you.



I love you very, very, very, very much.

And I hope my arms will always be a safe place for you to rest your head and cry.


<3 E xx