You are driving me crazy!

My dearest Grumpy,

Please, please just back off!! I adore you, but honestly I can not handle your whiney, needy, grabby irritating constant-ness.  you are driving me crazy.  I think it's sweet that you "like me". I thought it was very cute and adorable when this was the endearment you offered to me.  Until you said it every hour on the hour for three straight days.  Now I just want to slap you!

I think it's lovely that you want to shower me with attention and affection, but it is possible for us to spend time together without you grabbing hold of bits of me.  That is not intimacy nor is it foreplay.  I do not feel loved by your yanking my arms or legs out of their sockets in your attempts at cuddling.  Legs only bend 1 way! My knees do not twist sideways! I do not need to be constantly entwined around you - it makes it very uncomfortable to watch tv.

It makes me very happy that you want to share your thoughts with me.  However, every conversation does not need to be a D'n'M.  I like to talk about these real issues with you.  This is a good thing, both for you as an individual to get things off your chest, and for us as a couple so we become closer and we stay on the same page.  I just don't want that to be all we ever do.  Can we please just hang out and talk about how stupid the Simpson's are or who your favourite Friends character is.

I love you, i do. I'd just like to have you stop smothering me for a few hours. Pretty pretty please!
E

Your crazy family

Why does your family do this?? They are normal people one day, happily getting on with their lives.  The next... They turn into psychos!  And it has to be while you're away.*  Which means I have to get involved.  I don't want to get involved - they're not my family! You should have to deal with them.

So what's happened? I'll tell you what's happened. Your retard of an elder brother has just broken up with his girlfriend over the phone.  Yes. Over the phone.  Apparently being forty years old does not stop him acting like a 12 year year old.  I just cannot believe he thinks it's ok to break up with your girlfriend, who you live with, over the phone!

I'm not saying I'm the girls biggest fan, but he is going to leave her with scars that don't heal. This is the most despicable, cowardly act! Is this how your mother raised you boys????

And i can't talk him off the ledge. He's all hyped up thinking he's getting his freedom, and it just ain't so.  I have to say I'm disappointed that he is acting like this. He's always been an all or nothing, black and white person, but the fact that he can't even imagine that what he's doing will be hurtful is absurd.

Now I have to be the wise friend and talk to him about how to fix this... Frankly this seems like a lot of hard work for a relationship I don't even want him to be in. Stupid morals.

Now get home, so YOU can fix this!

Love you to pieces,
E

*Remember the dog...

Sick and Grumpy

So today you are sick. And soooo grumpy! You are like a grumpy little 4 year old and nothing will ever make you feel better.  It is as annoying as it is adorable. I'm betting by tonight the adorable quotient will have dropped.

I hope that you remember how this feels next time i am sick and try to look after me.  And I promise that tonight I will make you something yummy for your poor little tummy.

Love you,

E xx

Travel makes the world go 'round

My Grumpy Man,

You are away, and I am all alone. I should be used to this. You are away a pretty reasonable portion of time*.  And yet, I miss you.  Our house feels quiet.  But it also feels clean.

I spent most of the weekend cleaning. I cleaned the bathroom. I cleaned the kitchen. I vacuumed the carpets.  I scrubbed the grout with a toothbrush.  I straightened all the cushions and folded all the blankets on the couch. And you know what's crazy? It's still clean! That's right. It's been two days and you can still see the benches and the floors!

I love you dearly, but I don't think you realise how much your mess makes me crazy.  You say you feel like I've given up on our house.  That I no longer clean or do washing or whatever, but I maintain my position, that you make too much mess for me to clean around.  I have given up because I can spend hours cleaning the floors and benches and then you walk in with dirty feet and dump stuff on the counter and go on your merry way.  I honestly do not understand how making a sandwich involves three knives, two plates and a cutting board and leaves crumbs over the entire bench top. Not to mention the butter and bread that gets left out, or the fact that the plate can then sit where it was left for 4 days.  It's like you did a course in how to make a housewife crazy in three easy steps...

I love you with my whole heart, though. And I rather have you here making a mess thatn away with a clean kitchen.

Your E. xx

*N.B. I have a big dog that will eat you if you try to break in while A is away! Grrrrrrr! So don't think this is an invitation for random internet-ers to come steal my TV.

Photo montage

It's a photo montage!

Holiday

Spending holidays together was an interesting experience.

I found it very strange to realise that this is the longest we have ever spent together as uninterrupted "us" time. I can see why we don't do it very often. I mean I love spending time with you and I loved going away with you and I loved everything about our holiday, but oh my goodness, I don't think we've ever bickered as much.

I swear I could not do a thing right! If I wanted to sleep I was lazy. If I wanted to eat I was a glutton. If I wanted to go somewhere I wasn't letting you relax. If I wanted to stay in and ready book I might as well have stayed home. I couldn't read a map. I couldn'tpack a suitcase. We didn't need souvenirs... It just went on! I think we just about killed each other!

And then to get home and suddenly be loving and relaxed. Why couldn't we be like that while we were away? We got home and fell in love. After two weeks of togetherness that just about instigated homicide, we get home and are all lovey dovey...? I just don't get it. And I don't know how we learn to do it better next time.

What ever... I love you and I'm happy and relaxed after our holiday.

E xx

Helping me through tears

We both know you're not brilliant with tears. Nor do you do well with sick people. So having you look after me yesterday as I wept over my illness, was amazingly special. Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. I didn't expect it to be. I thought it would be, not routine, but methodical and logical and calm. Instead it was traumatic and emotional and extreme. And you went through it beside me. You were the greatest of comforts. You were a pillar of strength and a soft place to land. You could not have been a better husband or friend.  And I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I will get through this. And I will do it because I have you with me.
All my love
E xx