Grumpy,
I am looking forward to a better year this year. You have been my treasure and my strength this year, and I have been so grateful for you so many times. I love you more than words can say. This year has been so hard with some real challenges. You have been away so much. I have had health stuff up the wazoo. We did our counselling, we waited for the regulated timeframes, we came through a cancer scare, you stood beside me through everything. You have made this year bearable.
2013 is going to be our year. We will have an amazing year and we are going to come out the other end, even stronger.
While I wouldn't volunteer to go through this year again, it has made me appreciate you and all you do. I love you, I love you, I love you.
Your Grumbles xx
Tuesday, 1 January 2013
Thursday, 27 December 2012
Christmas Grinch
My Grumpy Husband, you are usually such a Christmas grinch.
I really saw how much you love me this year, because I am usually Christmas spirit personified, but I was not feeling it this year. All of our baby baggage was bringing me down, and I couldn't give two hoots about Christmas. I really was a grumbles.
And then you stepped in. Despite complaining every year about the presents and the carols and the bad movies, this year, you encouraged me. You asked me what Santa was bringing. You volunteered to have carols play while we ate dinner. You invited me to watch a Christmas movie with you. You really foisted Christmas on me. And I am so grateful. You know I love this time of year and it would have made me even more miserable not to celebrate at all. And you know me, and love me enough to want to give that to me.
You're a good egg. And I'm glad you gave me Christmas.
With lots and lots of love,
Your Grumbles.
I really saw how much you love me this year, because I am usually Christmas spirit personified, but I was not feeling it this year. All of our baby baggage was bringing me down, and I couldn't give two hoots about Christmas. I really was a grumbles.
And then you stepped in. Despite complaining every year about the presents and the carols and the bad movies, this year, you encouraged me. You asked me what Santa was bringing. You volunteered to have carols play while we ate dinner. You invited me to watch a Christmas movie with you. You really foisted Christmas on me. And I am so grateful. You know I love this time of year and it would have made me even more miserable not to celebrate at all. And you know me, and love me enough to want to give that to me.
You're a good egg. And I'm glad you gave me Christmas.
With lots and lots of love,
Your Grumbles.
Monday, 3 December 2012
Tears
Last night you were sad.
You told me you weren't sad, but you were crying and crying equals sad.
You told me there wasn't a reason for your tears, you were just crying. But it was a bit disconcerting to have you cry on my shoulder. You don't cry very often.
You told me you cry all the time, but I can only think of maybe three other times I've seen you cry. Maybe that is a bad sign for our relationship that you don't cry in front of me.
You said you were crying because the movie had a sad ending. Perhaps this was the reason. But you were burrowing into my shoulder and silently sobbing, and that's rarely the result of a movie.
It's been a big year for us. It's been overwhelming a lot of the time. There has been a lot of separation, with you away a lot. There has been a lot of stress as we sold a house and worked really hard (both of us! Don't forget that this year I got myself a fancy promotion too). There has been a lot of worry and anxiety, we had a cancer scare in June which is well outside the bounds of normal routine. There has been the envy and jealousy and bitterness that comes with watching everyone else have babies but us (ok, maybe that's mostly me). There has been a big target with baby making this year that has loomed over us quite a bit. And that has taken its toll on me and you have had to look after me which has taken its toll on you. There has been a lot sitting in our heads over the past year and because I have been a mess over it, you have had to be strong.
My theory is that last night you allowed yourself to be sad over all that. You were wrapped up in a cuddle full of love and you overflowed. I was holding it together and so you let yourself be sad and let me look after you.
I hope you know that it's ok to be sad or worried or anything over our life. I want you to share that with me. I put all my worries onto you to get my burden to lighten up, and my biggest job in life is to do the same for you.
And you can tell me that it's because of the movie, and I'll always pretend to agree with you.
I love you very, very, very, very much.
And I hope my arms will always be a safe place for you to rest your head and cry.
<3 E xx
You told me you weren't sad, but you were crying and crying equals sad.
You told me there wasn't a reason for your tears, you were just crying. But it was a bit disconcerting to have you cry on my shoulder. You don't cry very often.
You told me you cry all the time, but I can only think of maybe three other times I've seen you cry. Maybe that is a bad sign for our relationship that you don't cry in front of me.
You said you were crying because the movie had a sad ending. Perhaps this was the reason. But you were burrowing into my shoulder and silently sobbing, and that's rarely the result of a movie.
It's been a big year for us. It's been overwhelming a lot of the time. There has been a lot of separation, with you away a lot. There has been a lot of stress as we sold a house and worked really hard (both of us! Don't forget that this year I got myself a fancy promotion too). There has been a lot of worry and anxiety, we had a cancer scare in June which is well outside the bounds of normal routine. There has been the envy and jealousy and bitterness that comes with watching everyone else have babies but us (ok, maybe that's mostly me). There has been a big target with baby making this year that has loomed over us quite a bit. And that has taken its toll on me and you have had to look after me which has taken its toll on you. There has been a lot sitting in our heads over the past year and because I have been a mess over it, you have had to be strong.
My theory is that last night you allowed yourself to be sad over all that. You were wrapped up in a cuddle full of love and you overflowed. I was holding it together and so you let yourself be sad and let me look after you.
I hope you know that it's ok to be sad or worried or anything over our life. I want you to share that with me. I put all my worries onto you to get my burden to lighten up, and my biggest job in life is to do the same for you.
And you can tell me that it's because of the movie, and I'll always pretend to agree with you.
I love you very, very, very, very much.
And I hope my arms will always be a safe place for you to rest your head and cry.
<3 E xx
Monday, 12 November 2012
You are the noisiest sleeper in the world
Did you know that sleeping is a peaceful activity?
It's supposed to be quiet and restful. I don't know how you manage it, but you sleep noisily. Until I met you, I didn't realise this was possible. How can sleep involve this much snuffling and snorting and snoring?? And rolling over!! You rearrange the bed sheets ever three minutes! It's ridiculous.
I feel horrible when I have to confess that I sleep better when you're not here*, and it's for two reasons. The first is that you steal the sheets. You're a their, plain and simple and when I have no sheets, I get cold and when I am cold I make up. But the second reason is that you're loud. You have a snore that I can hear from another room.
And you know how other people, you give them a gentle shake on the shoulder or whisper to them and they snuffle and stop... Not you! Oh no. You keep snoring until I shove you in the side or pinch your nose so you can't breathe (not like a kinky torture thing, I promise this is not abuse, it's for like two seconds because them the airflow is momentarily intterruped and you startle... This is not making it sound better...).
I am a horrible person. I do love having you here and I should just put king size sheets on our queen size bed and buy some nose-strip-sleep-quiet things and then I'll have nothing to complain about!!
Love you always,
E xx
*remember the dog.
It's supposed to be quiet and restful. I don't know how you manage it, but you sleep noisily. Until I met you, I didn't realise this was possible. How can sleep involve this much snuffling and snorting and snoring?? And rolling over!! You rearrange the bed sheets ever three minutes! It's ridiculous.
I feel horrible when I have to confess that I sleep better when you're not here*, and it's for two reasons. The first is that you steal the sheets. You're a their, plain and simple and when I have no sheets, I get cold and when I am cold I make up. But the second reason is that you're loud. You have a snore that I can hear from another room.
And you know how other people, you give them a gentle shake on the shoulder or whisper to them and they snuffle and stop... Not you! Oh no. You keep snoring until I shove you in the side or pinch your nose so you can't breathe (not like a kinky torture thing, I promise this is not abuse, it's for like two seconds because them the airflow is momentarily intterruped and you startle... This is not making it sound better...).
I am a horrible person. I do love having you here and I should just put king size sheets on our queen size bed and buy some nose-strip-sleep-quiet things and then I'll have nothing to complain about!!
Love you always,
E xx
*remember the dog.
Friday, 2 November 2012
Hospital hubby
You are here with me. I am so grateful. I really really want you here this morning. I know we're just sitting here, we're not doing anything interesting, we're not taking to dr's or getting diagnosed with anything, so I know you think this is a waste of your time. I just want you beside me for this. I am really scared, Grumpy. I am worried about what they're going to do and what they're going to find. What if I'm broken? What if this is end of our baby journey? What if I let you down? I don't want to do this. But I also don't want this to be the end. I just want to have babies with you. So please forgive me when I turn into this crazy needy idiot, and just keep sitting with me.
I love you, and I'm glad you're here with me.
E xx
I love you, and I'm glad you're here with me.
E xx
Tuesday, 9 October 2012
You are driving me crazy!
My dearest Grumpy,
Please, please just back off!! I adore you, but honestly I can not handle your whiney, needy, grabby irritating constant-ness. you are driving me crazy. I think it's sweet that you "like me". I thought it was very cute and adorable when this was the endearment you offered to me. Until you said it every hour on the hour for three straight days. Now I just want to slap you!
I think it's lovely that you want to shower me with attention and affection, but it is possible for us to spend time together without you grabbing hold of bits of me. That is not intimacy nor is it foreplay. I do not feel loved by your yanking my arms or legs out of their sockets in your attempts at cuddling. Legs only bend 1 way! My knees do not twist sideways! I do not need to be constantly entwined around you - it makes it very uncomfortable to watch tv.
It makes me very happy that you want to share your thoughts with me. However, every conversation does not need to be a D'n'M. I like to talk about these real issues with you. This is a good thing, both for you as an individual to get things off your chest, and for us as a couple so we become closer and we stay on the same page. I just don't want that to be all we ever do. Can we please just hang out and talk about how stupid the Simpson's are or who your favourite Friends character is.
I love you, i do. I'd just like to have you stop smothering me for a few hours. Pretty pretty please!
E
Please, please just back off!! I adore you, but honestly I can not handle your whiney, needy, grabby irritating constant-ness. you are driving me crazy. I think it's sweet that you "like me". I thought it was very cute and adorable when this was the endearment you offered to me. Until you said it every hour on the hour for three straight days. Now I just want to slap you!
I think it's lovely that you want to shower me with attention and affection, but it is possible for us to spend time together without you grabbing hold of bits of me. That is not intimacy nor is it foreplay. I do not feel loved by your yanking my arms or legs out of their sockets in your attempts at cuddling. Legs only bend 1 way! My knees do not twist sideways! I do not need to be constantly entwined around you - it makes it very uncomfortable to watch tv.
It makes me very happy that you want to share your thoughts with me. However, every conversation does not need to be a D'n'M. I like to talk about these real issues with you. This is a good thing, both for you as an individual to get things off your chest, and for us as a couple so we become closer and we stay on the same page. I just don't want that to be all we ever do. Can we please just hang out and talk about how stupid the Simpson's are or who your favourite Friends character is.
I love you, i do. I'd just like to have you stop smothering me for a few hours. Pretty pretty please!
E
Wednesday, 5 September 2012
Your crazy family
Why does your family do this?? They are normal people one day, happily getting on with their lives. The next... They turn into psychos! And it has to be while you're away.* Which means I have to get involved. I don't want to get involved - they're not my family! You should have to deal with them.
So what's happened? I'll tell you what's happened. Your retard of an elder brother has just broken up with his girlfriend over the phone. Yes. Over the phone. Apparently being forty years old does not stop him acting like a 12 year year old. I just cannot believe he thinks it's ok to break up with your girlfriend, who you live with, over the phone!
I'm not saying I'm the girls biggest fan, but he is going to leave her with scars that don't heal. This is the most despicable, cowardly act! Is this how your mother raised you boys????
And i can't talk him off the ledge. He's all hyped up thinking he's getting his freedom, and it just ain't so. I have to say I'm disappointed that he is acting like this. He's always been an all or nothing, black and white person, but the fact that he can't even imagine that what he's doing will be hurtful is absurd.
Now I have to be the wise friend and talk to him about how to fix this... Frankly this seems like a lot of hard work for a relationship I don't even want him to be in. Stupid morals.
Now get home, so YOU can fix this!
Love you to pieces,
E
*Remember the dog...
So what's happened? I'll tell you what's happened. Your retard of an elder brother has just broken up with his girlfriend over the phone. Yes. Over the phone. Apparently being forty years old does not stop him acting like a 12 year year old. I just cannot believe he thinks it's ok to break up with your girlfriend, who you live with, over the phone!
I'm not saying I'm the girls biggest fan, but he is going to leave her with scars that don't heal. This is the most despicable, cowardly act! Is this how your mother raised you boys????
And i can't talk him off the ledge. He's all hyped up thinking he's getting his freedom, and it just ain't so. I have to say I'm disappointed that he is acting like this. He's always been an all or nothing, black and white person, but the fact that he can't even imagine that what he's doing will be hurtful is absurd.
Now I have to be the wise friend and talk to him about how to fix this... Frankly this seems like a lot of hard work for a relationship I don't even want him to be in. Stupid morals.
Now get home, so YOU can fix this!
Love you to pieces,
E
*Remember the dog...
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