Tuesday, 26 March 2013

And then you go and surprise me

My Grumpy,

I was mad at you this week. Like yelling-at-an-imaginary-you-while-driving-my-car mad.  We have got this big bad baby stuff going on and I go through lots of it by myself and I don't nag or complain that you're not part of it, but this week.... Oooohhh!! I was MAD!

I take the injections. I go to the appointments.  I stress about the numbers and the days and the medications and the times and everything else and you get to cruise along and be off off and away with work and not worry about it at all.  But I don't mind. That's your job. I get it. You have to be away sometimes and it's fine.  I have actually changed medical appointments so they can happen around your travel, if you have to be there.

But this week, I was not in control of when things had to happen.  I got told "this is the day" and so that's the day.  And you need to be there for that day.  This is a family issue and you are part of this family, Mr.

So when I got told that Thursday was go day and I called and said you should start looking at flights to be home for this and you said no I was pissed. REALLY pissed. As in you're lucky I hadn't applied for a divorce pissed. I could scream and shout and throw things about I was so mad.  What the hell did you think this was!! How was this not important to you??????? This is our family!!!

I know we then got to have a proper talk about it and I understand that it would be really difficult to change your flights and nothing is set in stone about dates (they never are) so we can hold off on making changes for a day or two, but I knew you weren't going to fly home.  And that meant that you were putting your work ahead of me and ahead of our family.  So then I was sad. Ranting one minute and crying the next.  I just wanted this to be as important to you as it is to me. 

Big breath. What will be will be. Get on with the day because crying about it changes nothing. And I do know that you love me.

And then today...

Today I got the call from the Dr to say that it's go time.  Not on Thursday like originally planned, but on Saturday. Which is wonderful. Wonderful because it is going ahead!! Wonderful because this is further than we've ever gotten! Wonderful because just the simple fact we're doing this is fantabulous!!!!!!!

And so I called to tell you. To tell you that everything is still alive and kicking. And to say that maybe there's a new date.

And I want to cry, because you responded by saying that's great. Because you'd been looking into changing your flights and.... blah blah blah everything else didn't matter.  You'd looked!!! You were really truly preparing to come home early!! Even though it would have sucked for your work.  Even though it would have cost us a lot of money.  Even though you would have been sitting in airports for over a day and a half (at the last minute, of course there are no direct flights pre-Easter).  You wanted to be home for this!!  This is important to you too!!

I love you, Grumpy.  And I can't wait til Saturday!!!


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