Thursday, 27 December 2012

Christmas Grinch

My Grumpy Husband, you are usually such a Christmas grinch.

I really saw how much you love me this year, because I am usually Christmas spirit personified, but I was not feeling it this year. All of our baby baggage was bringing me down, and I couldn't give two hoots about Christmas. I really was a grumbles.

And then you stepped in. Despite complaining every year about the presents and the carols and the bad movies, this year, you encouraged me. You asked me what Santa was bringing. You volunteered to have carols play while we ate dinner. You invited me to watch a Christmas movie with you. You really foisted Christmas on me. And I am so grateful. You know I love this time of year and it would have made me even more miserable not to celebrate at all. And you know me, and love me enough to want to give that to me.

You're a good egg. And I'm glad you gave me Christmas.

With lots and lots of love,
Your Grumbles.

Monday, 3 December 2012


Last night you were sad.

You told me you weren't sad, but you were crying and crying equals sad.

You told me there wasn't a reason for your tears, you were just crying.  But it was a bit disconcerting to have you cry on my shoulder. You don't cry very often. 

You told me you cry all the time, but I can only think of maybe three other times I've seen you cry.  Maybe that is a bad sign for our relationship that you don't cry in front of me.

You said you were crying because the movie had a sad ending.  Perhaps this was the reason.  But you were burrowing into my shoulder and silently sobbing, and that's rarely the result of a movie.

It's been a big year for us.  It's been overwhelming a lot of the time.  There has been a lot of separation, with you away a lot.  There has been a lot of stress as we sold a house and worked really hard (both of us! Don't forget that this year I got myself a fancy promotion too).  There has been a lot of worry and anxiety, we had a cancer scare in June which is well outside the bounds of normal routine.  There has been the envy and jealousy and bitterness that comes with watching everyone else have babies but us (ok, maybe that's mostly me).  There has been a big target with baby making this year that has loomed over us quite a bit.  And that has taken its toll on me and you have had to look after me which has taken its toll on you. There has been a lot sitting in our heads over the past year and because I have been a mess over it, you have had to be strong.

My theory is that last night you allowed yourself to be sad over all that.  You were wrapped up in a cuddle full of love and you overflowed.  I was holding it together and so you let yourself be sad and let me look after you.

I hope you know that it's ok to be sad or worried or anything over our life.  I want you to share that with me.  I put all my worries onto you to get my burden to lighten up, and my biggest job in life is to do the same for you.

And you can tell me that it's because of the movie, and I'll always pretend to agree with you.

I love you very, very, very, very much.

And I hope my arms will always be a safe place for you to rest your head and cry.

<3 E xx

Monday, 12 November 2012

You are the noisiest sleeper in the world

Did you know that sleeping is a peaceful activity?

It's supposed to be quiet and restful. I don't know how you manage it, but you sleep noisily.  Until I met you, I didn't realise this was possible. How can sleep involve this much snuffling and snorting and snoring?? And rolling over!! You rearrange the bed sheets ever three minutes! It's ridiculous.

 I feel horrible when I have to confess that I sleep better when you're not here*, and it's for two reasons. The first is that you steal the sheets. You're a their, plain and simple and when I have no sheets, I get cold and when I am cold I make up. But the second reason is that you're loud. You have a snore that I can hear from another room.

And you know how other people, you give them a gentle shake on the shoulder or whisper to them and they snuffle and stop... Not you! Oh no. You keep snoring until I shove you in the side or pinch your nose so you can't breathe (not like a kinky torture thing, I promise this is not abuse, it's for like two seconds because them the airflow is momentarily intterruped and you startle... This is not making it sound better...). 

I am a horrible person. I do love having you here and I should just put king size sheets on our queen size bed and buy some nose-strip-sleep-quiet things and then I'll have nothing to complain about!!
Love you always,
E xx

*remember the dog.

Friday, 2 November 2012

Hospital hubby

You are here with me. I am so grateful. I really really want you here this morning. I know we're just sitting here, we're not doing anything interesting, we're not taking to dr's or getting diagnosed with anything, so I know you think this is a waste of your time. I just want you beside me for this. I am really scared, Grumpy. I am worried about what they're going to do and what they're going to find. What if I'm broken? What if this is end of our baby journey? What if I let you down? I don't want to do this. But I also don't want this to be the end. I just want to have babies with you. So please forgive me when I turn into this crazy needy idiot, and just keep sitting with me.
I love you, and I'm glad you're here with me.
E xx

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

You are driving me crazy!

My dearest Grumpy,

Please, please just back off!! I adore you, but honestly I can not handle your whiney, needy, grabby irritating constant-ness.  you are driving me crazy.  I think it's sweet that you "like me". I thought it was very cute and adorable when this was the endearment you offered to me.  Until you said it every hour on the hour for three straight days.  Now I just want to slap you!

I think it's lovely that you want to shower me with attention and affection, but it is possible for us to spend time together without you grabbing hold of bits of me.  That is not intimacy nor is it foreplay.  I do not feel loved by your yanking my arms or legs out of their sockets in your attempts at cuddling.  Legs only bend 1 way! My knees do not twist sideways! I do not need to be constantly entwined around you - it makes it very uncomfortable to watch tv.

It makes me very happy that you want to share your thoughts with me.  However, every conversation does not need to be a D'n'M.  I like to talk about these real issues with you.  This is a good thing, both for you as an individual to get things off your chest, and for us as a couple so we become closer and we stay on the same page.  I just don't want that to be all we ever do.  Can we please just hang out and talk about how stupid the Simpson's are or who your favourite Friends character is.

I love you, i do. I'd just like to have you stop smothering me for a few hours. Pretty pretty please!

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Your crazy family

Why does your family do this?? They are normal people one day, happily getting on with their lives.  The next... They turn into psychos!  And it has to be while you're away.*  Which means I have to get involved.  I don't want to get involved - they're not my family! You should have to deal with them.

So what's happened? I'll tell you what's happened. Your retard of an elder brother has just broken up with his girlfriend over the phone.  Yes. Over the phone.  Apparently being forty years old does not stop him acting like a 12 year year old.  I just cannot believe he thinks it's ok to break up with your girlfriend, who you live with, over the phone!

I'm not saying I'm the girls biggest fan, but he is going to leave her with scars that don't heal. This is the most despicable, cowardly act! Is this how your mother raised you boys????

And i can't talk him off the ledge. He's all hyped up thinking he's getting his freedom, and it just ain't so.  I have to say I'm disappointed that he is acting like this. He's always been an all or nothing, black and white person, but the fact that he can't even imagine that what he's doing will be hurtful is absurd.

Now I have to be the wise friend and talk to him about how to fix this... Frankly this seems like a lot of hard work for a relationship I don't even want him to be in. Stupid morals.

Now get home, so YOU can fix this!

Love you to pieces,

*Remember the dog...

Sick and Grumpy

So today you are sick. And soooo grumpy! You are like a grumpy little 4 year old and nothing will ever make you feel better.  It is as annoying as it is adorable. I'm betting by tonight the adorable quotient will have dropped.

I hope that you remember how this feels next time i am sick and try to look after me.  And I promise that tonight I will make you something yummy for your poor little tummy.

Love you,

E xx

Tuesday, 28 August 2012

Travel makes the world go 'round

My Grumpy Man,

You are away, and I am all alone. I should be used to this. You are away a pretty reasonable portion of time*.  And yet, I miss you.  Our house feels quiet.  But it also feels clean.

I spent most of the weekend cleaning. I cleaned the bathroom. I cleaned the kitchen. I vacuumed the carpets.  I scrubbed the grout with a toothbrush.  I straightened all the cushions and folded all the blankets on the couch. And you know what's crazy? It's still clean! That's right. It's been two days and you can still see the benches and the floors!

I love you dearly, but I don't think you realise how much your mess makes me crazy.  You say you feel like I've given up on our house.  That I no longer clean or do washing or whatever, but I maintain my position, that you make too much mess for me to clean around.  I have given up because I can spend hours cleaning the floors and benches and then you walk in with dirty feet and dump stuff on the counter and go on your merry way.  I honestly do not understand how making a sandwich involves three knives, two plates and a cutting board and leaves crumbs over the entire bench top. Not to mention the butter and bread that gets left out, or the fact that the plate can then sit where it was left for 4 days.  It's like you did a course in how to make a housewife crazy in three easy steps...

I love you with my whole heart, though. And I rather have you here making a mess thatn away with a clean kitchen.

Your E. xx

*N.B. I have a big dog that will eat you if you try to break in while A is away! Grrrrrrr! So don't think this is an invitation for random internet-ers to come steal my TV.

Monday, 13 August 2012


Spending holidays together was an interesting experience.

I found it very strange to realise that this is the longest we have ever spent together as uninterrupted "us" time. I can see why we don't do it very often. I mean I love spending time with you and I loved going away with you and I loved everything about our holiday, but oh my goodness, I don't think we've ever bickered as much.

I swear I could not do a thing right! If I wanted to sleep I was lazy. If I wanted to eat I was a glutton. If I wanted to go somewhere I wasn't letting you relax. If I wanted to stay in and ready book I might as well have stayed home. I couldn't read a map. I couldn'tpack a suitcase. We didn't need souvenirs... It just went on! I think we just about killed each other!

And then to get home and suddenly be loving and relaxed. Why couldn't we be like that while we were away? We got home and fell in love. After two weeks of togetherness that just about instigated homicide, we get home and are all lovey dovey...? I just don't get it. And I don't know how we learn to do it better next time.

What ever... I love you and I'm happy and relaxed after our holiday.

E xx

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Helping me through tears

We both know you're not brilliant with tears. Nor do you do well with sick people. So having you look after me yesterday as I wept over my illness, was amazingly special. Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. I didn't expect it to be. I thought it would be, not routine, but methodical and logical and calm. Instead it was traumatic and emotional and extreme. And you went through it beside me. You were the greatest of comforts. You were a pillar of strength and a soft place to land. You could not have been a better husband or friend.  And I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I will get through this. And I will do it because I have you with me.
All my love
E xx

Monday, 6 August 2012

Cleaning the kitchen

To my own Grumpy,
Thank you for a delicious meal. I love that you cook for me, even though I come home late and you want to eat early. I love that you wait for me... My meals are not as satisfying when you don't share them, with me.
I don't even mind cleaning up, when you ask nicely, or even when you assume I'm going to do it. I don't mind! You just fed me, after all. I do mind, when you demand I do it. When you complain that I haven't done it. When you stomp around and make sarcastic remarks about how difficult it must be to be me and be waited on hand and foot. That makes me feel like telling you where to go. So thank you for tonight. For letting me know you wanted my help, not demanded I service your kitchen. It made me feel much more loving and more satisfied with my cleaning.
I do love you, Grumpy Bum.
Enjoy you computer, I'm off to do the dishes :-P
Your Grumbles.